Body Beautiful
We are living in a time where we are constantly inundated by images of the ideal, most desired bodies. The confusing bit is that these bodies range from the slim and muscular to the curvaceous with big hips and butts, and small waistlines. What once was condemned by the dominant group has become an asset now that that said group has decided to enhance their bodies by plastic surgery. Women are spending millions of dollars for fuller lips, breasts and butts. They are willing to risk their lives to achieve this desired look. Young girls whose bodies are still growing are modifying their bodies surgically to look the part. Unfortunately, we have become a society unsatisfied with our bodies. What will it take for us to love our bodies as is?
As a young girl, my desire was to look like and be Miss Universe. That seemed achievable at the time. As I moved into adolescence, my focus shifted to my peers. Many of my peers had the bodies of a grown woman. I still looked like a child. Us late bloomers would constantly wish for our bodies to hurry up and fill out so that we could have the same attention as the other girls. By the time, I was about 16, I realized that there were several advantages to having small breasts and being skinny—no need to wear a bra and you could wear almost anything.
When your body fits a cultural ideal, you can easily ignore the struggle of other women. According to fashion magazines, my body was just right. It didn’t matter that in my country and the Caribbean at large, voluptuous women were the ideal. I was neither “magga” nor stick-thin so I was not the recipient of body shaming. Eventually I moved to New York City and that transition was a doozy. My white, weight-conscious girlfriends were always on a diet, counting calories, and shaming me whenever they saw me eating fast food. I had never heard of counting calories before. The older folk from my family and the Black community, thought I was too thin and regularly spoke about adding meat to my bones. No one seemed to care what I felt about my own body. It was assumed that I wanted what they wanted. By my junior year of college, my best friend and I would dream about having bigger breasts. We had caved to the notion that we were too skinny. The reality was, we were skinny because we were starving college students who also had high metabolisms.
Now that we are older and on the curvier side, we often laugh about how desperately we wanted to put on weight. The focus has since shifted to keeping off the pounds to avoid being too curvy. We seem to always wish for bodies that we don’t currently have. I am surrounded by so many women who are self-conscious about their bodies. It doesn’t matter how fit or overweight they are. The complaints are the same.
To be honest, I have been most self-conscious about having scoliosis. It is the curvature of the spine, either in a C or S curve. Mine is curved like an S. When I was diagnosed as a late teen and realized that I couldn’t do anything to make it perfect again, I avoided wearing clothes that would expose my back. Even the swimsuits I selected were based on how it would show off my spine. My best friends would regularly remind me that it was only obvious to those who were looking for it or because I drew attention to it. As I approach my 40s, I am still very conscious of it, particularly with backless dresses, but not to the extent where I feel shame. In fact, I speak more openly about it than I ever have. Before covid-19, physical therapy was a regularly part of my routine, as my job requires me to sit for long periods.
I have to say that covid-19, has been a blessing in disguise for me. Over the last few months, I have found myself looking in the mirror just admiring my body. From the weight I gained from snacking non-stop when we were first in lock down to the weight I lost due to exercise. I have been encouraged by the social media posts of women not photoshopping out their cellulite. I can look at mine and be okay. Outside of daily video conferencing meetings, I have in person interactions about twice a month when I go grocery shopping. The pressure for my body to fit a certain image has been lifted. I can now love my body as is and make decisions about it based on health and fitting into my vacation dresses I was unable to wear this year.
There will always be opinions and images on how you should look. Men will comment on your body for better or worse. Women will shame you or praise you. The only voice that should matter is yours. Make sure that your voice is coming from a place of self-acceptance and not just repeating the words of celebrities, random men on the street or family and friends.
Seven tips to help you with your body image:-
Rather than identifying all the areas on your body that you dislike, identify the areas that you love and why.
Choose colors that are flattering for your skin tone.
Wear clothes that accentuate your best features and that are the right fit for your body.
Try out different hairstyles, colors and cuts that suit your face shape. There are wigs and clip-ins that would allow you to do this without affecting your own hair.
If you are overweight or obese, consider meeting with a dietician to understand the food options that would best serve your body rather than random dieting.
Exercise can be hard to keep up with. Try doing dance classes on Youtube or going for walks in the park just to get in the habit of moving. Consider getting an exercise buddy that can keep you accountable.
If you can afford it, get a personal trainer.